Did you realize I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), then use the flash films/games as the icing about the teenage-annoyance cake. When the editor pushed #1 Diep.io – #1 Play Diep.io Game Online for me, I used to be suspicious.
Initially, I figured to question: “How do you realize I employed to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not simply, should i was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to monitor down younger me but, should i was right, he know I was to the bastard. Then a editor would foil my entire life plans by occasionally whispering inside my ear: “hey, keep this in mind gem of a Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little confidence We have left.
Like other narratives, I found myself asked who’s tale it had been. So, one a little water in the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but rather just asking me my name. Although, noticing this was an internet multiplayer title, I assumed I’d hide how I’d be examining this video game with a critical eye as an element of my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.
Naturally, like the majority of free-to-play PvP titles, Diep.io starts off with a whisper. You are a runt, the base of a pile, inside a bad world looking to shoot you at the back of your head. Or perhaps a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes and other tanks. Thus I did the most obvious thing: I blew through the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging all of the circle with names to them. Yes, the aesthetic could possibly be recreated with MS Paint and the sole thing that is missing is Comic Sans.
Each level offered me the choice of upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. Something which became immediately obvious was that if I planned to reside longer than a kid within a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, then I would need to pick regen at some time. Without them, I would personally be worn down over time like said child from before.
Eventually, I leveled past the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked if I wanted a machine-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or so that you can shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly just like a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the type of simpleton to experience as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, out of anxiety about confusion otherwise, I went using the assault rifle option on my tank.
Eventually, similar to most things, my time with Diep.io arrived at an end once i began picking fights with other players. Despite having the best damage output I really could muster, by far the most speed, a large regen pool, and a lot more health than I knew what to do with, other players were quickly capable to put me during my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside having an almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.